The Deep Why

Exactly 5 months ago, I sat in my living room with a few of my best friends and we discussed having intentional lives. The conversation was real and honest. It began with knowing and identifying the life and the personality unique to me. Then I wrote down what I really wanted from life, my dreams, hopes and goals. Lastly, for those dreams to be worth claiming as a honest part of who I would become they needed to reflect who I already was designed to be AND there must be a Deep and Meaningful Reason for pursuing them. 
I was ready to bend and stretch and grow. For years I had prayed, and cried because I knew that I WANTED adoption to be a part of our story. I also told myself that I was mistaken because God had not opened the door for us. Maybe there was no door. . .By the end of that evening with my friends, I knew beyond all doubt that Mothering was who I was, Adoption was my want, and it was so embedded in the fibers of my heart that I could never remove it. The best part was that by identifying it and owning it I felt free. I met myself in that meeting and I could choose to thrive in the love and the knowing.
If we want something, if we know why and if it is a part of us by design. It will become more certain and beginning the journey will solidify the commitment!
Days later Jason and I spoke very openly about beginning the process and pursuing a child.  

I remember the day my heart first broke for a vulnerable child, she was an abandoned orphan in China. It hit me by surprise. I had stayed home from church to care for our 6 month old daughter but my husband was able to go. He came home and told me very briefly that there had been a guest speaker from China that ran an orphanage there. That was all it took. Something woke up deep inside of me and I knew that somehow, some way my life would intersect with these children. Here I am 7 years later and a lot of imagining in between. So much of what I thought along the way looks different now. But I am rejoicing. We are so close! The home-study will be ours any moment. I got sidetracked thinking I was wrong. God was only tempering me and I am thankful. What I can claim as truth is that "the spirit of what is written on our hearts from the beginning, the desire from within, has never changed." Those are the words I wrote down yesterday at church when Pastor Troy delivered his sermon. Jason asked me not to share our adoption story fully until our why was clear. Here it is though, just hours later. "Written on our hearts." I looked up Romans 8:15 just this morning.
"You received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."
Today I believe wholeheartedly that my deep why is simple and sure. God has planned this. He knit this into my being years ago and together we will write this new adventure story. 

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